Got boys? Then you are raising the future head of a house.
One day, about 20 years ago, I was startled by a crash so loud I thought the wall had come down. I scrambled to the living room to see what had happened, and to my amazement, there was my three year old in a fit of rage over his Legos. Yes, his Legos. Apparently, they weren’t connecting the way he wanted them to.
My mind flashed to scenes from extended family history — rage and anger has plagued previous generations. Instantly, I thought, “Oh, no! Not my boy. That’s not going to be his story”.
Gently and calmly, I crouched down, laid my hand upon his and spoke softly, but firmly. “Chase, that’s not how we play. Now let’s pick up each Lego you threw, put them in a pile, and reconnect each one.”
His eyes were angry and frustrated, but I could see in his heart the desire to please his mommy.
We were on that floor for hours attaching those bricks together one by one. All the while, I was speaking to him gently, but firmly.
That day, the Lord revealed to me that I was raising the “Head of A House”, and I had better steward his personality and habits as such.
Moms play a very significant role in their son’s lives. Remember the first miracle that Jesus performed? Mary told Him they were out of wine. Jesus said, “Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not yet come.” (John 2)
But interestingly, Jesus did perform the miracle. That boy was NOT going to disappoint his mama! And I believe that’s just how God intended it to be. If you think about it moms, that gives us a whole lot of power.
The most amazing part of this is that the Holy Spirit allows us to see behaviors in our kids that can be damaging or empowering to them as adults. Even as toddlers, we can see behavior patterns that need to be gently corrected or strongly encouraged.
Chivalry was not the norm when I was growing up. But I was bound and determined that my boy was going to be chivalrous — and he is! I taught him at four years old to hold doors open for all women, no matter their age. I taught him to always kiss a lady’s hand.
He was taught to give up his seat when a lady/girl entered the room. When we were at gatherings, he made sure all the females ate first. He shook men’s hands with firmness, looked them straight in the eye and introduced himself. He had every woman falling all over him (and his big chocolate brown eyes) because he was so gentle and sweet, yet outgoing and bold.
So many parents over the years have come to me and said, “How can I get my boy to be like that?” I believe the answer is to be constantly looking and examining what behaviors need to be addressed, along with a boatload of prayer!
I knew deep in my heart I was supposed to raise him to be the husband I would want. After all, I was going to be passing him on to a woman much like myself, wasn’t I?
I began praying daily for God to show me what to pour into him and what to shelter him from. It was so interesting to see how God led me to pray for him as head of a house
We raised Chase constantly thinking, “We need to root out this behavior/habit; he can’t have that as a husband.” It’s made him aware of other people’s feelings and positions. He seems to always take initiative to “father” others. He’s always been the captain, the leader, the president.
Well, Chase hasn’t thrown Legos recently, but he has had many tests and trials come his way. And I believe the tools he was given at a young age have empowered him to make the kind of decisions a head of a household should.
Through it all, he has learned servant leadership, and I now have a 23 year old son who brings his mom flowers often (YAY, me!). But, more than that, he lives his life and makes decisions with the mindset that he will one day be the head of a house.